How to massage your partner's hips and glutes

Why do tight hips and glutes affect the lower back?

The glutes are some of the largest muscles in the body. They attach to the pelvis and the top of the thigh bone, and they work hard every time you stand, walk, climb stairs or run. Long days sitting, or a lot of running, can leave them feeling tight and tired.

Because they anchor the pelvis, many people notice that when the hips and glutes feel tight, the lower back feels stiff too. Working them is a natural partner to a lower back massage, and our lower back guide covers the muscles above. Back pain has many causes, though, so treat this as relaxation and comfort rather than a fix.

How do you keep a hip and glute massage comfortable and non-sexual?

Agree it first and keep it practical. Ask whether they would like their hips worked on, and say which area you mean: the fleshy top and outer side of the buttock and the side of the hip, the places that tighten after sitting or running.

Keep them clothed in soft joggers or leggings, or draped with a towel tucked in at the sides. Every technique here works well through fabric, because it is all pressing rather than gliding. Stay well away from the inner thigh and groin, keep the touch broad and steady, and check in as you would anywhere else. If one of you would like massage to stay purely relaxing, our guide on wanting a non-sexual massage covers how to say so.

How do you massage the glutes, step by step?

With your partner face down and a pillow under their hips, kneel beside them so you can lean your weight in from above.

• Warm up with palm compressions: place a flat palm on the buttock, lean in for two or three seconds, release, and move a hand-width along
• Use a soft fist for more depth: the flat of a loosely closed fist spreads pressure over the large muscle and saves your thumbs
• Knead the top edge: gather and squeeze the muscle just below the bony rim of the pelvis, where many people feel tightest
• Hold tight spots: rest the heel of your hand or your thumbs on a tight area with steady pressure for ten to twenty seconds while they breathe out
• Rock to finish: place both hands on the hips and rock the pelvis gently side to side for half a minute

How do you massage the side of the hip?

The side of the hip, below the bony rim of the pelvis, is easier to reach with your partner lying on their side, knees slightly bent and a pillow between them. That position also suits anyone who cannot lie face down comfortably.

Make slow, broad circles with the heel of your hand over the muscle between the rim of the pelvis and the bony point at the top of the thigh. Keep light over that bony point itself and over the long band down the outside of the thigh, which many people find very tender. Then swap sides.

How much pressure can the hips and glutes take?

Large, thick muscles can usually take firmer pressure than the neck or back, often a 5 to 7 out of 10, but build up slowly and let them set the level. Firm should still feel like a release, never a wince.

The sciatic nerve runs deep through the buttock. If pressure sends tingling, numbness or pain down the leg, ease off at once and move to a different spot. Stay off the tailbone at the bottom of the spine entirely.

When should you skip it and get checked?

This is relaxation massage between partners, not medical treatment. Skip it and suggest a GP or physiotherapist if hip or back pain is severe, getting worse, worse at night, follows a fall or accident, or comes with fever or feeling unwell.

The NHS says to call 999 or go to A&E for back pain with tingling, weakness or numbness in both legs, loss of feeling around the genitals or bottom, or new problems controlling the bladder or bowels. Check with the surgeon before massaging near a recent hip replacement, and never massage a leg that is painful, swollen, warm or red, as that can be a sign of a blood clot.