How to give a neck and shoulder massage

What is the best position for a neck and shoulder massage?

Seated is easiest and safest. Have your partner sit upright but relaxed in a chair, feet flat on the floor, while you stand behind them. This gives you good leverage over the shoulders and keeps their neck supported.

Ask them to drop their shoulders and let their arms hang loose. A common mistake is to start working tense, raised shoulders; a few slow breaths first lets the muscles settle so your hands can actually reach the tension.

This is a particularly good position for guided audio, because you can keep both hands working while the voice tells you where to move next.

How do you massage the shoulders?

Start by resting both hands over the tops of the shoulders, either side of the neck, and lean in gently to warm the area.

Then knead the thick muscle along the top of each shoulder (the trapezius) by squeezing it between your thumb and fingers, lifting slightly, then releasing. Begin with very little pressure and build as the muscle softens.

You can also use a slow thumb-crawling motion: press both thumbs in small steps outward from the base of the neck toward the shoulder joints, pressing firmly and pausing at each point. Stay on the muscle, not on the bony top of the shoulder blade or the spine.

How do you massage the back of the neck safely?

Ask your partner to tilt their head gently forward, and support their forehead with one hand. Taking the weight of the head this way lets the neck muscles fully relax.

With the thumb and fingers of your other hand, make small circles up either side of the back of the neck, then around the base of the skull where the neck meets the head, a spot that holds a lot of tension. Gently squeeze the muscles at the back of the neck as you go.

Keep all the work on the back and the muscular sides. Do not press on the throat, the front of the neck or the soft sides, where arteries, the windpipe and lymph nodes sit. Light, careful pressure only in this area.

How do you finish with the scalp?

A short scalp massage is a lovely way to end. With your fingertips spread, make small circular movements all over the scalp as if you were gently shampooing, keeping your fingers on the scalp and moving the skin rather than sliding through the hair.

Work from the base of the skull up over the crown and around the temples, using light, even pressure. This releases tension around the head and leaves your partner feeling pleasantly drowsy, which makes it a natural closing move.

How much pressure should you use, and when should you stop?

Keep pressure moderate, around 6 or 7 out of 10. The neck and shoulders are sensitive, so it is better to start too light and build than to dive in hard.

Watch for held breath, tensing or fingers curling, all of which mean ease off. Ask 'how does that feel?' rather than guessing.

Stop straight away if your partner feels any sharp pain, dizziness, numbness or tingling down the arms, as these can signal nerve involvement. If they have neck problems, recent whiplash or persistent pain, they should see a professional first.