How to give a massage at home

How do you set up a space for a home massage?

A little preparation makes a big difference. You want your partner warm, comfortable and able to switch off, which means sorting the room before you lay a single hand on them.

• Choose a firm surface. A bed works, though a firm mattress or a duvet folded on the floor gives better support than a soft, sinking one.
• Keep the room warm. Muscles relax in warmth, and people tense up when they are cold.
• Dim the lights and put both phones on silent in another room. Removing interruptions is half of what makes a massage feel restful.
• Have a towel and a small amount of oil within reach so you never have to break contact to go and find them.

If you are using Spoken Massage, this is when you press play: the voice in your earbud walks you through each step, so you can keep your eyes on your partner and your hands moving instead of trying to remember what comes next.

What are the basic massage strokes?

Most of a good home massage comes down to a handful of simple movements. You do not need training; you need to go slowly and keep contact.

• Gliding (effleurage): long, smooth strokes with flat palms, used to warm the area, spread oil and link everything together.
• Kneading (petrissage): squeezing and lifting the muscle gently, like working soft dough, which is good for tight shoulders.
• Circular friction: small circles with the thumbs or fingertips on a specific knotted spot.
• Compression: a steady, leaning press and release over a broad muscle, no oil needed.

A simple rhythm is to glide to warm up, knead to loosen, work any tight spots with small circles, then glide again to finish. Our guide to basic massage techniques explains each stroke in more detail.

Where should you start?

Start with the back, neck and shoulders. These hold the most everyday tension, they are easy to reach, and they are very forgiving for a beginner.

Begin with long gliding strokes up either side of the spine and out across the shoulders, then come back down the sides. Repeat this several times to spread the oil and let your partner settle.

Work the thick muscles on either side of the spine, never the spine itself. Use the heel of your hand to push outward from the centre, and your thumbs to make small outward circles on any tight ridges beside the backbone.

How much pressure should you use, and how do you check in?

Aim for moderate pressure, roughly 6 or 7 on a scale of 1 to 10. It should feel like a satisfying, deep relief, never a sharp or bracing pain.

Use your body weight, leaning in from your shoulders, rather than gripping hard with your fingers. This is easier on your hands and gives a smoother, deeper feel.

Check in out loud: 'Is that too much, or would you like more?' Watch for tensing, held breath or curling fingers, which all mean ease off. Our pressure guide covers this in depth.

How long should a home massage last, and what is safe?

Twenty to thirty minutes is plenty for a relaxing home massage, and beginners may find their hands tire sooner, which is fine. Quality and steadiness matter more than length.

Keep it safe with a few simple rules. Never press directly on the spine. Use lighter pressure over the lower back and the soft area below the ribs, where the kidneys sit. Avoid the front and sides of the neck. Start light and build gradually.

Stop and check in if your partner reports sharp pain, numbness, tingling or anything that feels like a nerve. Avoid broken skin, bruises, recent injuries and any inflamed area. If either of you has a health condition or is pregnant, check with a doctor first.