Massage for new parents: a gentle guide

Why do new parents ache in the same places?

Looking after a newborn is repetitive physical work. Hours of feeding with the head tipped down load the neck and shoulders, lifting and rocking tire the forearms, wrists and thumbs, and carrying a baby on one hip pulls at the lower back. Broken sleep means none of it gets a proper rest.

That makes the shoulders, hands and feet the obvious places to start. They are easy to reach while someone is sitting or lying down, they can be massaged fully clothed, and a few minutes on them can feel like a real break.

Is it safe to massage someone after giving birth?

Gentle massage of the shoulders, hands and feet is generally a comfortable thing to offer after an uncomplicated birth, but go by how the person feels and keep pressure light. Avoid the tummy entirely in the early weeks.

After a caesarean, the NHS describes a recovery of around six weeks, with advice not to lift anything heavier than the baby. Keep well clear of the wound, do not ask them to lie face down, and check with the midwife or GP before doing more than shoulders, hands and feet. The six-week postnatal check is a good moment to ask.

Be especially careful with the legs. The NHS lists having had a baby in the previous six weeks as a time of higher risk of a blood clot (DVT). Never massage a leg that is painful, swollen, warm or red, and get medical help promptly if you notice those signs.

Which areas help most, and how?

Keep everything slow and light, around a 3 to 5 out of 10, and let them stay in whatever position is comfortable.

• Shoulders: with them seated, perhaps in the feeding chair, knead the tops of the shoulders slowly and make small circles at the base of the skull
• Hands and forearms: hold one hand palm up, make slow thumb circles across the palm and the pad below the thumb, then gently squeeze up the forearm
• Feet: with them on the sofa, hold a foot in both hands, press your thumbs slowly along the sole and finish with a still hold
• Upper back: with them lying on their side and a pillow between the knees, use flat-palm compressions between the shoulder blades

If they are breastfeeding, lying face down may be uncomfortable, so side-lying or seated is usually better. Use no oil, or a little unscented lotion on the hands and feet, so there is nothing scented near the baby.

How do you fit a massage into life with a newborn?

Drop the set-up. Five minutes on the shoulders while they sit down, or on their feet once the baby is asleep, beats waiting for a free half hour that never comes. Keep it clothed, keep it quiet, and let them doze off if they want to.

Make it come with no expectations. A tired new parent should not have to give a massage back, chat or do anything at all. Spoken Massage's free Five to Melt session is five minutes of seated neck and shoulders, fully clothed and guided step by step, which fits neatly into a nap window.

Can massage help with low mood after a baby?

Many people find gentle touch calming, and a few quiet minutes of care can help someone feel looked after. It is not a treatment for postnatal depression, though, and should never stand in for proper support.

The NHS says postnatal depression is common, can start any time in the first year, and usually improves with treatment. Signs include persistent low mood, anxiety, feeling hopeless, and difficulty bonding with the baby. If you notice these in your partner, or in yourself, speak to the GP, midwife or health visitor.

When should you hold off?

Skip the massage and get advice if any of these apply:

• A caesarean wound that is redder, more painful, or has pus or a bad-smelling discharge
• Heavy bleeding, a fever, or feeling generally unwell
• A leg that is painful, swollen, warm or red, which can signal a blood clot
• Any pain that is new or getting worse

This is relaxation between partners, not medical care. When in doubt, ask the midwife, health visitor or GP first.